Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Drunk is not a location!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Drunk is a universal language darling
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
