she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
