how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Duck Duck Cougar?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
