...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
