Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
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