I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Panties = found
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