pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
