He uses pillows to masturbate.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
