Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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