drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Boobs speak an international language.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
