My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
