how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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