you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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