You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
