I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
