Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
