if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
