the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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