you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
