Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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