Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I wish there were birth control emojis
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
