His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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