I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
