Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
