I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Text me some of your sweat
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
