I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
