i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
