My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
