pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
