We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
50% drunk capacity currently
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
