im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
