Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
