You can't special order awesome
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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