I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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