return my video game
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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