Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
