My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
