The maid of honor just puked.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
