you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
