The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
