4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
