You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
