i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
