There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
