Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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