i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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