i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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