is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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