Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
