this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
