Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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