You can't motorboat a personality
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The struggles of a small town man whore
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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