he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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