Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
