I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
