He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
