When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
