Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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