Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
