It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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